Urban Legends

No to John Bolton

The Legend

Submitted in April 2005


The underlying intent of the nomination of John Bolton as U.N. ambassador is to CAUSE a military confrontation with Iran, to guarantee that all possibilities for diplomacy falter, and to start a global nuclear war that will leave the planet glowing like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer's nose. The same diplomatic "abilities" he has used to abuse every dedicated underling who ever tried to get him the truth, harass innocent citizens who pass him on the street without "showing proper deference," and make new-born babies cry will be exercised to destroy any possibility for making peace with any country that does not pledge immediately fealty to "his" country. Thanks to various publications available near the cash register at any decent grocery store, this is now coming to light DESPITE the extraordinary bonds of secrecy and threats of electrodes in unfortunate places with which the intelligence community usually operates.

If you believe the endless occupation of Iraq is a disaster party, the kind where pin the tail on the donkey is played with guns and REAL donkeys, you will JUST LOVE going to war with the whole entire world's Muslim populations, and considering that Bolton wants to carpet bomb every last Muslim back to the stone age and that there are probably plenty of Muslims living in your neighborhood, this will be bad for EVERYONE! In the long term there is absolutely nothing that we can do militarily to stop other countries, even hostile ones, from getting technology that's decades old (e.g. Silly Putty, moon rockets, Velvita). But why can't we just try asking politely if they will please just stop using this stuff for bad things? There's just one power on this planet that will stop Bolton from turning us Rudolph... our voices speaking out to the members in Congress on the Bolton nomination.

And while you're at it, ask them to have Michael Bolton deported, too. It's for the good of the country!

(1) Your info:
First Name: Last Name:
Addr: Apt/Ste: City:
State: Zip: Phone:

(2) Your own personal message to Congress:
The question is "Should John Bolton be U.N. Ambassador?"
This petition will submit your "No" vote.

(3) E-mail addresses of friends to invite to vote and, perhaps, receive valuable e-mail offers:

(4) Add a few details so we can pay for postage on your message
Credit card number:
Expiration date: Month Year
Credit card security number (from the back of the card):
PIN number:
Bank account number:
Mother's maiden name:

(5) Now send your messages
Click to have your identity stolen

This form e-mails your personal messages directly to every member of Congress's personal e-mail box, all at one time. the e-mail will have the heading "Free Viagra" to ensure that they open it. This form is simple, it's fast, and your credit card will be charged next to nothing compared with the cost of global thermonuclear war. Is this not the SAME John Bolton who had such a central part in fabricating the very "intelligence" that hoodwinked us into freeing the Iraqi people from Sadam Hussein's oppressive government in the first place? Isn't there a single qualified, savvy diplomat that could be proposed for this post who IS NOT objected to in writing by six hundred of his most distinguished peers, his mother, and the late Pope?

Won't you do something NOW on this and post this email everywhere you can and to everyone you can? Or do you hate little children?

Behind the Legend

There are a lot of statements in this message (concerning John Bolton's record, honesty, and alterior motives) that we know the truth behind but are not at liberty to reveal due to recent threats to our families. We completely agree with the part about Michael Bolton deserving to get deported, however.

All information on this site is, to the best of our knowledge, false.
If any significant true information has slipped through, we apologize.
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