Urban Legends

Avoiding Pregnancy

The Legend

You know you want it and your guy says he needs it, but you don't want to end up with a baby, right? And your guy probably told you that you have to buy the condoms because it's your responsibility, and you've heard all about how The Pill can kill or maim you eight ways to Sunday, right? Well there are several ways you can do the dirty without risking the belly swell.

  1. Have your guy take a lot of really hot baths (at least 300 degrees) and wear super tight underwear (two sizes too small) because this will overheat his little guys and they won't be able to swim the distance.
  2. Jumping up and down constantly during it prevents conception.
  3. Drink a whole case of Coca-Cola or 7-Up before going all the way.
  4. Do it standing up with the girl's feet off the floor and not leaning against anything, and primal defense instincts will prevent conception, as long as you are undressed and outdoors.
  5. You can't get pregnant if both of you have violent stomach flu.

Behind the Legend

Teenagers in particular have passed this "information" back and forth for years, hoping to, as Howard Stern put it, "Have their cake and eat me, too." Unfortunately, it's not as easy to avoid pregnancy as the above legend might lead one to believe. True, these methods might lessen the chance of conception, but none of them are foolproof and none of them do anything to prevent the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes, AIDS, clamindia, and guys who don't call you the next day.

According to the Unplanned Parenthood, there are some things young women can do to lessen the chance of becoming pregnant. For example:

  • Have the guy wear as many condoms as he can afford.
  • Avoid sex entirely by talking at length about your period. If your boyfriend is particularly shallow, making it clear that you are very intelligent might work as well.
  • Buy a chastity belt (antique stores an swap meets often have old ones at reasonable prices).
  • Laugh when he disrobes.
  • Invite your parents into the room.
  • Have a sex change operation.
  • Become a nun.

The Gays and Lesbians United outreach group has also spoken on this subject, pointing out that you can easily avoid embarrassing teen pregnancies by only mating within your own gender.

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