Urban Legends

The Dangers of Chicken Wings

The Legend

Don't! Eat chicken wings -- They'll turn you into a freak!

Ladies especially! This is a true story! I am very concerned about the health of the people out there especially the women! A friend of mine recently had a horrible, inexplicable growth and had to undergo a horrible operation to remove a disgusting growth! The growth was filled with a dark-colored blood, and when doctors tested it -- it was chicken blood!

She thought that she would be recovered after the surgery but she was terribly wrong. The growths started regrowing just a few months later. Distressed, she rushed down to her doctor for a consultation. During her consultation, her doctor asked her a question that puzzled her. He asked if she often ate chicken wings and she said she did, wondering how, he knew.

You see, because of the demands of marketing, chickens are injected with steroids and other growth accelerants. Chickens that are usually shot full of drugs with an injection into the neck or wings, so it is in these places that the highest concentrations of drugs exist. The drugs have terrifying effects on the body as it accelerates growth, and because they come from chickens they are associated with chicken DNA and bring it into the body! The drugs have an even more dangerous effect in the presence of female hormones, because women are imbued with the gift of life and their hormones helps things grow.

And what is it that grows? Chicken wings! My friend was growing a pair of wings, or in some cases they grow feathers on their arms while their arms turn into chicken wings. She even showed them to the butcher at the grocery store and he verified that they were chicken wings. And who wants to be a chicken!

Therefore, I advise the people out there to watch their diets and to lower their frequency of consuming chicken wings! And if you're a woman who wants to eat chicken, eat the breasts so that if you do become afflicted at least it has more socially acceptable side effects! People, who receive this email, please forward it to your friends and loved ones. I am sure no one wants to see him or especially her poultrified!

David E. Abad Jr.
Anesthesia Testing Division

Behind the Legend

Worries about chemicals put into the food we eat are prevalent in urban legends, largely because there are so many of them and they have so many spectacularly horrible side effects.

The changing of human tissue into animal tissue due to ingestion of animal growth hormones or steroids is well documented, so one might ask why it is that this urban legend focuses on chickens to the exclusion of other animals (cases of women growing cow udders or men acting like pigs, for example). The answer is that the American psyche is predisposed to think of women as "chicks," therefore making this aspect of a common medical problem particularly appealing in a folkloric sense.

The condition discussed in the above legend is not nearly as serious as it is made to sound, however. Modern medicine can generally reverse the symptoms of afflicted individuals with radiation treatment and a few simple amputations. It was not always the case, however. For an example of what happened to one woman who continued to consume drug-impregnated fowl even after symptoms began in the years before medical treatment was available, see the horrific bird-woman scene at the end of the film Freaks.

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